what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
