holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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