I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
