Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
