Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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