all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
