he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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