i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
