oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
