She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
