Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
