My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
