my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
