I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
