i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
