i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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