oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
