i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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