My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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