Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
