I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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