I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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