I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
