I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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