I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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