The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
