Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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