The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
