I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
