im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
