In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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