...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
