Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
