Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
