So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
