i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
