well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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