you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
