ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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