What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
