weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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