Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
