just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
