And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
