Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize