YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
