Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
