tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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