dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
