dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize