So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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