Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
