she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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