Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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