I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
