Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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