you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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