Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
