I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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