DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize