I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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