Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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