Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
