stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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