wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
