We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
