woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
