GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
