i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
