Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
