Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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