you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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