why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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