I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
