He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
