hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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