Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
