i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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