so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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