New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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