and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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