I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
