My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
