What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
