She said her name was "party"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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