I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
