Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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