He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
