She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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