3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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