just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
