How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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