I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
