How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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