Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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